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Yes, It's Really That Bad

I've been a consistent YouTube viewer since about 2009 or so. During my working years, I mostly worked from home and had a job that didn't really require hardly any brain power. YouTube provided a distraction during my working hours that kind of kept me from losing my mind from sheer boredom. I still was dying of boredom all day long, but YouTube did as good of a job as it could to provide a distraction. YouTube is a natural fit as in my childhood years all I really did was zone out in front of the TV for hours upon hours. Cable had become a thing in the mid-80's and I consumed as much of it as I could. Watching TV and eating wasn't my favorite pastime, it was my only pastime. I had to go to school and do as little homework as possible in order to be able to watch TV without interference from those who simply relegated parenting to the boob tube. So YouTube has become the new cable TV. And it's much more appealing than cable as ad blockers remove irritating commerci
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Converting To Christianity: Considerations To Know Before Becoming A Born Again

To start off, I'm not opposed to Christianity. Even after deconverting, I have several friends who are Christians and actively follow their faith. For some, being a Christian makes a positive impact in their lives and makes a positive impact to society. If Christianity helps an addict become sober or a criminal to turn away from crime, then there's one less person who could break in my house or crash into me because he's driving drunk. I'm all for that. I was born into the Jewish faith. Both of my parents are Jewish and I have a very Jewish last name. Often, I wish my last name wasn't so obvious, because I just want to blend in as much as I can. I don't like labels, and anyone who sees my last name can label me as such, whatever they think of Jews. Either way, I grew up in a religion that is almost impossible to join. Most Jews are cultural Jews and don't really consider how or why they exist. Because Judaism focuses on living and there is no promise of heav
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Don't Be Afraid

I've journaled for many years as a way to blow off steam and possibly find answers. As I've found some satisfaction in ranting, I've not found answers to why I've experienced an unfulfilling life. I guess the reason why I'm blogging is to shed light on what my unfulfilling life looks like and help others who might feel the same way identify what's happening to them. For me, the overall lack of positive outcomes stems from a couple of disabilities I was born with. Although I've never been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, I exhibit a lot of the symptoms. From broken relationships to just not fitting in due to some strange behaviors, it seems logical. I'm not a full on weirdo, but I cannot maintain relationships as I melt down and drive people away. Sure, I have a few friends, a few of them are good friends, but no romantic possibilities. I'm an above average looking guy. I'm 6'2 and in shape. When I want to look good, I do. I'm turning 5
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